No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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