dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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