what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
