First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
