Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
