my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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