Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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