just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Please don't give away my fajitas
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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