So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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