Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize