I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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