You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
