They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
