I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
