Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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