I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
