her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
