At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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