and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
