a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize