I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
