dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
