I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
