I want to stick my p in your. b.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
