hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
