I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
