the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
