Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
