He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize