you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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