Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
