No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize