no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
