I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was like eating out sand paper
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
