I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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