Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
