Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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