he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize