i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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