My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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