he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
