but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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