Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
