Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
