she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
