I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
