he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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