I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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