in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
