You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
