I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
