if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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