I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
