It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want to fling myself into the sun
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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