I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
