On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize