I've blown a few things in my day
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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