No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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