a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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