I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
