Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
