Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
